


Rumour Has It

by Madelief



Series: Mind Over Matter [8]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 19:23:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13817805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madelief/pseuds/Madelief
Summary: Shepard's just awoken from the debacle on Eden Prime and Kaidan's bracing himself for the worst. Shepard's got a reputation, after all, and the destruction of the beacon and reason for Shepard winding up in the med bay are his fault. Better to confess at the start and then pack his bags.Or so he assumes. But then again, Shepard never does the expected. A fact Kadian is just beginning to appreciate...I'm replaying Mass Effect and I just love every interaction between Shepard and Kaidan and how their relationship grows. This is the first in a series that will run from ME1-after ME3.





	Rumour Has It

‘You had no way to know what would happen.’

He’s been fluctuating between sheer relief that she’s alive and a sinking heart at the impending rebuke. What Kaidan isn’t prepared for, however, is Shepard’s understanding – and certainly not her empathy. He’s expecting a punishment of 100 press ups and stripping clean every single rifle in the armoury for three months. At best.

At worst? A demotion, being ordered off the Normady and a black mark against his otherwise exemplary service record as punishment for his foolhardy actions on Eden Prime.

Shepard’s support and reassurances are completely left-field, leaving Kaidan struggling to not gawp in astonishment.

_Say goodnight, Manuel….._

_Would you rather be a snitch? Or a corpse?_

Everything he’s heard whispered about Torfan explodes in his mind. Commander Shepard is a robot, a machine in human form, unemotional and uninterested in anything but getting the job done. She’s an N7, one of the most decorated marines in active service. She’s reputed to have zero tolerance for bullshit and brownnosing, displaying as much compassion as a stone. Those who serve under her are expendable, mere resources to be allocated in the most efficient manner to achieve her end goals. It explains her meteoric rise up the ranks. Shepard is exactly who Alliance top brass needs to do their dirty work.

Shepard coolly knocking out a sick scientist. Shepard calmly pointing her pistol at hapless, terrified smugglers mere minutes later. Shepard leaving Jenkins still-warm body behind without a backward glance. In the short time he’s seen Shepard in action, from her curt words of reprimand on the bridge to him and Joker, to cutting down swathes of Geth and husks as if they were no more than gnats, the only conclusion Kaidan can draw is that the notorious Commander Shepard is a marine to be wary of.

_Extremely wary._

_So why, Alenko, are you suddenly acting like a damned schoolboy with more hormones than brain?_

Because, in spite of all appearances to the contrary, ever since he laid eyes on the infamous Commander, he’s found it impossible to reconcile the exhausted and pensive woman in front of him to the supposed cold-blooded and heartless Alliance officer of rumour. In the aftermath of Eden Prime the grapevine has, as he’s suspected all along, been proven spectacularly wrong.

If, judging by the salacious gossip, she’d stayed true to form Kaidan would now be joining Jenkins in pushing up the daisies on that faraway colonial world. He’s a mere Lieutenant, expendable in the grand scheme of things, just like all the other foot soldiers and lower ranking officers who’d died at the order of the Butcher of Torfan.

But here he is, standing, hale and whole and filled with the utmost respect for this exceptional officer. He owes her his life, and he’s prepared to follow her through hell and back again if she commands it. Shepard saved his ass and risked hers in the process, shoving him away from the Prothean beacon in the nick of time. The very least she deserves in return is his unwavering loyalty and support.

Kaidan’s instincts to go against the grain of popular opinion haven’t let him down. Commander Shepard can project her ruthless image as much as she likes. He gets why she cultivates such an unapproachable, cold persona. She’s protecting herself against the inevitable agony when she faces up to the reality of the calls she’s made. He understands. They all had to find a way to cope, after all, and showing no chink in her armour is her chosen method. Who is he to judge, after all?

Hastily, he realises Shepard is awaiting details of just how she ended up in the sick bay and he garbles out a response. Dr Chakwas then starts talking about probabilities and possibilities, Kaidan losing track of the conversation once more as his eyes lock onto Shephard’s for a split second.

Sparks of raw energy hit him square in his chest, leaving him momentarily stunned from the immediate connection that’s radiating between them. Her brilliant sapphire gaze assesses him, one finely arched eyebrow mockingly raised, as if she’d read his mind. A sheepish smile pulls at the corners of Kaidan’s lips, the warmth pooling in the pit of his belly in total contrast to the irrational fear he’d been battling against the moment Shepard had been flung backwards by the force of the beacon’s blast.

Shepard looks away first and slides off the bed, her slender fingers rapidly replaiting the thick, white-blonde braid of hair hanging over her shoulder. Kaidan schools his features back to their usual neutral mask and wrestles his wayward emotions back under control.

_It’s Shepard! What the hell is wrong with you?_

_Are you seriously going there, Alenko?_

It seems he is. Try as he might to at least pretend at being a professional marine, he’s too rocked from that split-second flare of awareness that surged between them, especially when the memory of Shepard’s lifeless body cradled protectively against his still feels as natural as breathing. Shepard is no stick insect, yet her lithe, toned frame deceptively packs more than enough muscle to send even the meatiest of krogans flying through the air from one punch alone. He’s convinced too, that he doesn’t look as half as good as Shepard does in the regulation Alliance gear they’re both garbed in.

Come to think of it, he’s never seen any man or woman make fatigues look like the latest fashion statement. Shepard owns the space around her, right down to the basic military gear that should have her blending in with the rest of the troops. Shepard, of course, is the exception to the rule. Her unconscious elegance and innate confidence aren’t just the usual hallmarks of a privileged upbringing with high-ranking parents. There’s that undefinable ‘it’ which Shepard has in spades, singling her out from the rest of her peers.

Secretly, he’s caught himself watching her over the past couple of weeks since she’d first joined the Normandy. Shepard doesn’t just move. She flows, every movement precise and neat yet executed with a ballerina’s grace. Whether she’s in casual conversation as now, her hand gestures eloquently punctuating the description of being trapped in the beacon’s vision, or stroking her fingers down the barrel of her sniper rifle, coaxing the perfect shot to finish an unsuspecting enemy, Shepard does it with style. Her delicate, almost ethereal features, are devoid of scars, Shepard’s smooth ivory skin unmarked by the ravages of their profession.

He allows himself the split-second indulgence of admiring plump, dusky-pink lips, the bottom one currently caught absently between two pearly white teeth as Shepard frowns in concentration to Dr Chakwas’ analysis. The delicate arch of her neck, defined cheeks and jaw would be described as fragile on any other woman. On Shepard, they merely add to her overall aura of indomitability.

‘How’s our XO holding up, Doctor?’

Inwardly, Kaidan winces at his foolishness, drawing up to attention and mentally slapping himself back into reality as Captain Anderson dismisses him. It’s a relief to leave the sick bay and he heads to grab a drink. He needs to pull himself together and fast. Mooning over Shepard will earn him nothing but a one-way ticket to the farthest, most dismal outpost in the Terminus Systems if he’s caught slacking again.

The breathing space helps Kaidan recover his equilibrium. Now is not the time to sort through the conflicting thoughts chasing a neverending tail through his head. Thinking through that wholly unexpected, but delightfully exciting exchange with Shepard in the med bay is best done when he can find some down-time to himself.

He sits after having a chat with Gardner, nodding absently to other members of the crew but not wishing to engage in casual conversation. Settling down, he opens up a tab on his omni tool and prepares to immerse himself in report writing. Shepard is bound to have questions about the events on Eden Prime and it’s beyond time for Kaidan to pull his head out of the clouds and act like the competent and talented Lieutenant he is reputed to be.

A quick burst of caffeine should help keep the worst of the migraine brewing at the back of his skull away. The adrenaline pumping through his body from the battle and then running through the Normandy with a comatose Shepard in his arms has faded, leaving behind a cracking headache that promises to turn nasty fast if he doesn’t take better care. The reminder of Shepard, dead to the world as he and Ashley frantically tried to keep her with them, intensifies the stabbing needles behind his eyes threefold.

‘Ow! Shit!’

Burning his mouth on scalding coffee is one way to mitigate the migraine and return him to reality, certainly. Sucking in cooling lungfuls of air, Kaidan blinks away the tears pooling in his eyes, reaching for the water flask which he promptly knocks over onto the floor. Gasping now against the pain, mentally cursing a day jam-packed with his total ineptitude to achieve anything useful, he scrabbles round on the floor to find the elusive bottle which will cure the most pressing of his ills.

‘Perhaps this will help.’

Blindly, Kaidan’s hand follows the soft voice and gulps down the icy cool glass of water pressed unexpectedly into his palm. As the pain in his head and mouth recedes, he remembers exactly where he is. The dismayed sensation in his belly is most unwelcome as he peers up reluctantly at Shepard, watching him with curiosity written all over her face. Following on the heels of shock, he abruptly recalls precisely who’s in front of him. Kaidan pulls himself up to standing, wiping his face on his sleeve and throw up a hasty salute.

‘Twice in one day you’ve saved me.’ He gives Shepard a reluctant smile as she retrieves his water flask from the floor. ‘I’m grateful, Commander.’

‘At ease. We’re not on the parade ground.’ The glimmer of amusement in Shepard’s soft voice goes a fair way to restoring Kaidan’s battered pride. ‘I hear nothing much phases you, Lieutenant Alenko. But boiling water? You’re a braver marine than me. Try to blow on your coffee before you take a swallow next time.’

‘Sorry, Commander.’ Kaidan gives her a rueful shrug as they sit back down at the table. ‘Can I get you something?’

‘I’m fine. Water is about all I can stomach for now.’ She’s a touch paler than normal, but otherwise seemingly recovered from her encounter with the Prothean beacon. ‘The visions have subsided, thank God. Have you got a moment to discuss the clusterfuck we walked into down there?’

‘Always.’ Kaidan hesitates, weighing up words that will best convey his support of her decisions on Eden Prime. He can’t look any more of a fool in front her, after all. ‘Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew.’

Kaidan doesn’t miss the flare of distress in Shepard’s eyes at the mention of the young marine. He wonders how much longer she can keep paying the price for her lost soldiers, each death under her command affecting her far more than she’d ever let on. For all his sorrow over Jenkins, however, there’s something far more important that’s revealed itself to Kaidan in that instant.

‘I’m just….I’m glad we didn’t lose you too.’

It’s an innocuous but heartfelt comment. Kaidan wonders if Shepard will ever guess at the hidden meaning behind his words. It isn’t just about more pointless deaths, losing another soldier or an inspirational leader. The mere thought of Shepard not surviving has become incomprehensible to Kaidan in a very short space of time.

‘I’m glad I didn’t lose me either. But I have you to thank for your quick reactions back on Eden Prime. Dr Chakwas said you were instrumental in keeping me safe.’ Shepard smiles at Kaidan properly for the first time since they’ve met, leaving Kaidan momentarily speechless from its impact on his unguarded heart. ‘You can lift some serious weight too, Alenko. How did you manage to lug me over to the med bay so fast? Biotics?’

‘Um. Just doing my job, ma’am. You’re not that heavy.’ Kaidan feels the burn of a blush staining his cheeks, rubbing his hand awkwardly across the back of his neck. ‘There are some benefits to being an L2. The bioitics take some of the strain but mainly I just grabbed you and ran as fast as I could to get help. The urgency of a situation can make anyone superhuman.’

She sips gingerly at her water while watching him with an unreadable expression. ‘Well, thanks. I appreciate it. How are you holding up? Things were pretty rough down there.’

‘You never get used to seeing dead civilians. It just doesn’t seem right somehow.’ Shepard nods her agreement at his sombre assessment, her sharp gaze registering his sadness at a situation that had spun well beyond his control. ‘But at least you stopped Saren wiping out the whole colony.’

‘I couldn’t have done it without you.’

The sincerity and gratitude in Shepard’s voice is heartfelt, yet another indication that she’s far from the brutal monster she’s portrayed. It’s more than that though, a recognition of…..whatever it is that exists between them. A mutual attraction, yes, but it’s also far more. Kaidan can’t put a name to the feeling yet, but he’s fully intent on filing this extraordinary conversation away to study and enjoy at his leisure.

‘We’re marines. We stick together.’ An obvious thing for him to blurt out, but this change in relationship between him and his commanding officer is something he’s not yet equipped to deal with. ‘You saved my life too, let’s not forget.’

‘So let’s call it quits. All debts paid. You saved my ass and I saved yours.’ She shoots him a knowing glance. ‘Don’t try and pretend that’s not bothering you. I told you already what happened with the beacon wasn’t your fault. Stop dwelling on it. I’m here and you’re here and we’re both alive to find that bastard Saren. That’s all that matters. You got it?’

‘Nothing much gets past you, does it Commander?’ Kaidan raises his hands in mock surrender, fully aware that Shepard’s got it right. ‘I’m just sorry we lost Jenkins.’

‘I know. Poor bastard.’ Shepard takes a long drink of water, her regret apparent. ‘I agreed with the Captain that I’d write to his family, seeing as he was under my command when he died. Such a waste. There was nothing you could have done there either, by the way.’

‘I know that!’ Kaidan is living with the memory of yet another raw recruit being gunned down in front of him, each one weighing heavier and heavier on his conscience. ‘I just….I don’t have to like it, do I?’

‘Of course not. None of us do, but it’s a hazard of command which you’re going to have to find a way to cope if you want to progress up the ranks, Lieutenant.’ Shepard sighs, shaking her head in resignation. ‘If I had a dollar for every single young hothead who has died in a blaze of gunfire in the quest to find some action, I’d be a wealthy woman. Perhaps we’re doing something wrong in basic training. No matter how often I try and drum it into their heads not to go charging off into the sunset. Some will just never listen.’

‘I hear you, but I don’t have to like it.’ She’s right and it’s nothing Kaidan’s repeated to himself a thousand times already, seeking a way to ease the inescapable burden of guilt. ‘It doesn’t make it any easier though, does it?’

‘We send good men and women to their deaths. It’s what we’re paid for, trained for and what we swore oaths to, but no, it never gets any easier.’ Shepard is caught unguarded by Kaidan’s gentle prompting, a wave of pain lancing across her features before she shuts down again. ‘But it’s part of the job. And deal with it we must, or we’ll be the next ones to find ourselves on the wrong end of a Geth pyre.’

‘That was one helluva shakedown mission, that’s for sure.’ Kaidan takes the hint and steers the subject back to the present issue at hand, feeling absurdly satisfied that he’s managed to steal a glimpse of the very real human behind the ironclad façade of Commander Shepard. ‘Ending with one Spectre killing another. The Citadel Council’s not going to be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance.’

Shepard’s dismissive flick of her wrist speaks volumes of her attitude towards politicians. ‘You nailed it in one. You’re a career man, of course, if you’re part of Anderson’s crew. You’d have to be, to take an interest in this kind of crap.’

‘A lot of biotics are. We’re not restricted but we sure don’t go undocumented.’ Kaidan’s voice is steady, his future having been sealed for him so many years previously it’s pointless to remain bitter. ‘May as well get a paycheck for it. Besides, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted. Eventually.’

‘But,’ Kaidan stumbles on before Shepard can ask the question formed on her lips, suddenly reluctant to bother Shepard with his past. ‘Is that why you’re here? Because of your family?’

He’s far more interested in her anyway. Kaidan is fascinated by the whole conversation they’ve embarked on, a far more personal and intimate discussion than he’d ever have dreamed possible. They’ve only met recently, barely exchanging more than the basic courtesies these past couple of weeks. There’s one good thing to come out of Eden Prime, at least, if it means they’re getting to know each other better.

_War has a habit of throwing the most unlikely people together._

_Make the most of it, Alenko, before that war bites you in the ass._

‘Ah. I was a regular Navy brat.’ Shepard’s laughter catches Kaidan unawares, musical and vibrant. ‘Schooled on whatever ship my parents were serving on. Saw the galaxy, lived out among the stars, blah blah. Far less romantic than the stories make it out to be. It was only natural that I’d follow my folks into the Alliance, not that there was anything else on offer. Captain mom sets a high standard, but she’s been my role model for as long as I can remember. If I turn out to be half the officer she is, then I’ll die happy.’

‘Captain Shepard of the SSV Kilimanjaro?’ Kaidan swallows slightly, trying not to focus on the enormous gulf between him and this captivating woman before him. ‘That’s your mom?’

‘Yep. Rebelling isn’t much fun when your mom can kick your ass to Pluto and back again, no matter which tricks you pull.’ Shepard looks wistful, Kaidan willing to bet that becoming a marine is fulfilling someone else’s dream rather than her own. ‘And then you’ve got to find a way to be your own Shepard. Move out of your parents’ shadow. Except I got a little bit more noteworthy than the folks expected.’

‘Torfan? I bet that bought you any post in the fleet.’

_One day, I hope she’ll open up to me._

_In the meantime, she’ll know that I’ve got her back. No judgments, just trust._

Shepard is wary at the mention of her notorious past, then gives Kaidan a brilliant smile, acknowledging his unspoken support. He grins stupidly back at her, ridiculously pleased to have coaxed such a rare response from this usually sombre officer. He’s got nothing clever to say, no words of wisdom to impart. He just wants Shepard to know that he’ll always be on her side, that the rumour mill can go hang, and he’s relieved to see his message so well received.

‘Well, that posting bought me here. So far, I have no complaints either.’ Shepard’s mask descends once more although the hint of a smile still plays around her lips. ‘To the Citadel we go, with one dead Spectre on our hands, and another gone rogue. I wish I could say I’m delighted but dealing with bureaucrats has never been my strong suit.’

‘Me neither. That’s why I’m a marine.’ Kaidan pauses, curiosity getting the better of him. ‘Can you, um, tell me why we’re heading there?’

‘Captain wants to get an audience with the Council and tell them what he’s been up to.’ Shepard’s expression clearly shows just how impossible and futile she considers that task to be. ‘We have to try, but I’m sceptical of the reception we’ll receive. Saren is their pet Spectre. They’re not going to take the news well if it means damaging their precious PR.’

Shepard’s omni-tool beeps then, intruding on the privacy of their conversation. Kaidan watches as the glimpses of the person under the title are suddenly wiped out without trace. She scowls in disgust at the message, rising to leave.

‘I’m sorry to cut this short, Lieutenant Alenko, but the Captain wants to go over our preparations with Ambassador Udina before we dock.’ Shepard shakes her head and rolls her eyes. ‘I’d rather watch paint dry than talk political strategy, but duty calls.’

‘No problem, Commander. I’ll finish the report on Eden Prime and send it through later tod-.’

Kaidan stands, about to salute when he’s frozen in place. Shepard’s simple touch on his hand to stop him from uttering the formalities sends a jolt of heat searing through his body. A flare of awareness he’s feeling across every inch of skin is reflected back at him in Shepard’s appreciative gaze, the twin spots of colour burning on her cheeks right as she bites her lip and licks it, slowly.  

‘I look forward to it. And thanks for the chat, Lieutenant. Don’t be a stranger.’

_Did she….._

_Did she just…flirt with me?_

Just like that, Shepard is gone, Kaidan sinking slowly back down to the safety of his chair. He can’t help himself, following Shepard’s outstandingly fine ass with his gaze as she saunters nonchalantly out of the mess. He’s certain there was an ulterior motive to her final words, Shepard’s last gestures far beyond the realm of officer and subordinate, and rather firmly in the realm of woman and man instead.

He takes a gulp of water, sitting back and closing his eyes as he reflects on the whirlwind of the past 24 hours. A friend lost, a new theatre of war opening with the return of an ancient enemy. A political game so deadly in play, one false step could witness the death of millions. Pieces on a chessboard, battling for supremacy.

And yet, all Kaidan can think about is a brilliant smile, a vibrant laugh, an unexpectedly candid conversation. The undercurrent between them isn’t just his imagination. There’s something there. It’s far too early for Kaidan to decide what to do. He’s experienced enough to know, however, that charging forward isn’t what he wants. It’s not done to rush with any woman, but especially not one of Caya Shepard’s calibre.

He’s falling though. She’s an intriguing mix of beauty, courage, intelligence and vulnerability. He’s never wanted to get to know someone as much as he wants to with her. To hear her stories, to share her burdens, to lighten her day.

_And she feels the same._

_That connection, that spark…..we both feel it._

He’s not going to presume. Shepard will come to him if she wants more, of that he’s certain. In the meantime, Kaidan senses that she needs a friend, before anything else. He reflects on the brief conversation about their families, ready to concede that he too responded instinctively to the human companionship Shepard offered. It’s not often Kaidan wishes to reveal too much of his personal life, but with Shepard he believes he may well have found a kindred spirit. As he sets out to finish his report, he’s smiling to himself.

Life on the SSV Normandy has become a whole lot more interesting.


End file.
